


A Harrowing

by buckles



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3517913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckles/pseuds/buckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short dialogue between Maevaris and the Inquisitor. Mae reflects on history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Harrowing

"Let me see if I have this right." Maevaris tents her fingers pensively, looking piercingly at me across her fingertips. "Your Circles expose young mages to demons... on _purpose_... and then kill them if they don't come back from the Fade quick enough?" 

I nod. It's an awful business. I try not to let the horror of it sink in too much. 

Maevaris laughs. There's an uneasiness in it, but she's clearly amused at something.

"What is it?" I wonder.

"It's nothing. You ... it's not you. I'm sorry. Just thinking of something that happened a long, long time ago."

> I am sixteen and I hurt all over. The other children are beastly and I'm constantly depressed. They told me that joining the Circle in Minrathous was such a prestigious opportunity, that new knowledge would be open to me. What a joke. I spent hours going through their library. Tomes full of fools trying to interpret what they do not understand. Oh, don't get me wrong. It wasn't all completely useless; their alchemical resources were invaluable. Mixing herbs isn't as subjective as trying to comprehend the Fade.
> 
> I'm lying in bed trying to not make the bruises hurt as much. Not many know that one can't keep persistent spells running while one's asleep. I'm trying not to cry, but I don't have friends here, and I'm not especially fond of my family. Maintaining a barrier for long periods of time is tiring work. I'm exhausted and before I know it, I'm across the Fade.
> 
> It's a dream I've never had before. 
> 
> I'm standing in a thick fog. In front of me is a tall mirror: rectangular, with the two sides coming to a peak, high above me. Nothing else is here. Everything is eerily silent. I look around. There's nothing else here. I look at the mirror's surface. It's not smooth and glassy; it ripples and undulates, like a pool of water, standing up. Nevertheless I look closely. The reflection is strange. It's me, but it's _not_ me. I look down and gasp. My skin feels different. My arms and fingers look different. I feel -- comfortable. For the first time in my life, everything feels right. 
> 
> But this is the Fade.
> 
> I look behind the mirror. Just fog. Nothing left to do here. I put out a hand to the mirror, shakily. As my hand makes contact, the air begins to thrum loudly.
> 
> "I'm glad you could make it." she says.
> 
> I turn around, and suddenly behind me, the most beautiful creature you could imagine is standing there, smiling warmly. She doesn't look like me, but somehow I know it _is me_. Her hair is longer and she's wearing the most brilliant blue dress; she looks like she would strike terror in the hearts of lesser men but leave them awestruck by her beauty.
> 
> And she's ... she's supposed to be me. 
> 
> The soporati... they cross the Fade every night, just as we do, but they don't remember when they wake. But they shape the Fade just the same. Every living thing on Thedas shapes the Fade with their thoughts. Our loves, our compassion, our frustration. Our pain. Our desires. Those thoughts do not simply evaporate in the vastness. They watch. They listen. It might seem frightening, but -- say what you will about Tevinter -- we come to terms with it a lot earlier than those down south. The Fade _is_ what it _is_. It's just how the world works. 
> 
> "It's going to be all right." she says to me. I know. I understand. Of course, it is familiar with me. It knows how much I've hurt. It is not a callous creature, it is not unsympathetic. She walks towards me, her arms outstretched. She is older, taller than I. I'm moved so much that I forget what I am dealing with. I hug her, and a tear slips down my cheek. But I regain my composure. 
> 
> "Let me join you." she smiles radiantly at me. "I will join you, and you will know beauty like this. You will know perfection" she lies.
> 
> Of course she lies to me. I have gone through the entirety of the Circle's library at least twice now. I know nothing that would let me know the beauty for which she promises me. If it were possible, then their encounter would have been documented _somewhere_. But I have read of abominations. I know how the joining twists their flesh, distorts their body. _But maybe this time it is different?_ I think. _Maybe I'll be the first._
> 
> "Yes. You will be the first." The demon is clearly powerful. "I know you suffer. Let me take away the pain. We are linked, you and I. You have already shaped me. Now let me shape you."
> 
> But I clear my mind and realize something. Everyone has wanted a piece of me. My parents are only interested in me for my bloodline, my future; my classmates are only interested in me as a punching bag. And this demon is only interested in me for my flesh. For a taste of solidity. I will not be beholden to anyone else. I will master my own destiny! I am my own woman! I don't need the demon's bargain. I don't need anyone else to live my life. 
> 
> The demon hears me. It vanishes wordlessly. It doesn't matter; I've gotten what I need. Even though the demon is not me, it _is_ me. It is a reflection. This is all a reflection.
> 
> There are other Circles across Tevinter. Across Thedas. I'll find another way. There has to be another way. I'll --
> 
> \-- and it is morning again, and the shock of my old skin hurts again. I almost want to sleep again, to try and find the demon, to take it all back. 
> 
> But I am not weak. I am not weak any longer. 

"A long time ago? What happened?"

"Oh, nothing of any importance. You Southern lot expose a mage to a demon once unprepared, send them off into the world, and then think it's _their_ fault when the Veil tears. At least in Tevinter, with all its flaws... Tevinter empowers a mage. Tevinter understands that knowledge is power. And knowledge is strength."

Maevaris gets up in one fluid, graceful movement, and walks away.


End file.
